Here is an unedited, actual excerpt from a 25 year-old woman’s dating profile:
“First off I’m a packaged deal, I have two handsome baby boys. My oldest is 4 yrs old and my little one is just about to turn 1… My boys are my everything, they come before everything and everyone.. And they already have a father so that definitely isn’t what I’m looking for. But if my boys don’t like you or if you don’t like my boys, kick rocks! I would never pick a guy over my boys.. =) But a little more about me: I am friendly, loyal, super nice.. sometimes too nice, but if you get me mad I wouldn’t be afraid to tell you what’s on my mind. I am very independent, got my own place and car. I have a career and love what I do, not many ppl are able to say that but I am so grateful I can say that…”
The woman who wrote the above is quite attractive. Most of her profile makes her come across as smart, witty and articulate. However, the very beginning of what she wrote would be very off-putting to many, if not most, male readers. No, this is not about you having or not having children. The problem is different – there is no reason to announce how important your children are to you and make some kind of “if…. then kick rocks” ultimatum in your dating profile. Any man would know that it’s a given that if you have children, you care about them dearly. It’s just common sense.
There is no reason to accentuate it and remind the men, who will be looking at your profile, that they will never be as important to you as your children. It adds nothing good or attractive to your profile.
This woman could have greatly improved her profile by simply deleting that whole part about her children, except simply mentioning that she has them, and that would make her come across as a far more positive person.
It is understandable how a single mother, who is looking to date, would want to weed out all those guys who would not be ok with her being a mother or putting her children first, but talking about it in your profile is not the way to do it. Putting a more positive spin on how you actually can combine having children with having a good dating life is a far better idea. Attract the guys by making it clear that despite being a mother, you will make time for the right guy. For instance, you could just say that in your profile: “While I have children who I spend a lot of time with and who need a lot of attention which I enjoy giving, I make sure to make the time for the right man, who, among other things, will be understanding of my situation.”
And of course, there is absolutely no reason why your profile pictures should include your children. Random guys who browse through profiles should have no business seeing your children.
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