It is often suggested that men care about a woman’s looks much more than about her personality, while women can overlook the physical appearance of a man if his other qualities, such as his personality, sense of humor, confidence, financial status, etc… make up for it. I believe that the above stereotypes about the importance of looks v personality are at best partially true. Relying on these generalizations can be quite misleading, as they seem to overlook and underestimate the importance of looks in a men and the importance of personality in a woman.
It is true that a man naturally notices a woman because of her looks first. However, what keeps a man’s interest and makes him stick around and potentially commit to that woman is her personality. The reality around us proves this over and over. There are plenty of physically very attractive women out there who have frustrating dating lives. They have no problem meeting men due to their physical beauty. They may be having dates with different guys every day, but they have a hard time connecting with anyone or maintaining a meaningful romantic relationships, and few guys, if any, ever fall in love with them. Because these women get so much attention from men and go out so often, they get disappointed just as often in the outcome of their short lived interactions with men, which makes the whole dating experiences for them all the more painful, especially for those women who are looking to find “the one” and settle down. This is not to suggest that these women and their personality is the only factor to blame, but often not being able to grab a man’s mind and attention for longer is the reason that these guys lose interest and are unable to see themselves in a long term relationship with these women.
Men, on the other hand, are often told that they shouldn’t care so much about their looks, and it’s their personality that matters the most to women. While it’s true that generally a woman can overlook a man’s appearance for his other “redeeming” qualities, this is generally the case only where a woman is already familiar with and is attracted to the guy’s personality before either of the two made any effort to get involved with each other. For instance, if a female student is very fond of one of her instructors on an intellectual level, she might become attracted to him because she already got to know his personality (not by choice), so his appearance will play little role in her level of romantic interest in him. However, in a situation where two strangers are attempting to meet each other (a bar / restaurant, blind date, introduction, etc…) a man’s physical appearance – both his style and his physique – will play a big role in his ability to attract a woman.
Making the most out of what you have through your attire and your grooming, without looking over the top and like you are trying too hard, is a very good idea when it comes to going out and meeting women or going out on a first date. When you do this, you send the following strong statement to the world in general and to women specifically: I care about myself and about my life. I am ready to meet a great woman and I have a lot to offer. I expect respect because of the way I look and I also give the people around me just as much respect by the way I come across. I am interested in meeting people and I am putting an effort into being attractive. – this kind of attitude is important for women to see in a man because it shows a spark, a drive, and zest for life, so to speak. On the other hand, if you look sloppy on the outside, the inevitable perception in a woman’s eyes will be that you are sloppy on the inside too, unless you are some kind of celebrity that everyone knows.
As a guy, your appearance makes a huge difference to your interactions with women and in your dating life, because women do care about how you look. I recently met a woman at work who was telling me about her last bad date, who showed in old, dirty sneakers and a torn r-shirt. I was curious if she could articulate why it bothered her so much. Her answer was quite compelling: “It didn’t look like he treated our meeting like a date, or like he cared about the whole experience. If he doesn’t care and it doesn’t seem important to him, why should I?” Obviously, you want to avoid being that guy, and making that kind of impression on a woman.
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