Almost every dating book on the market talks about the importance of first impressions when it comes to meeting, flirting and attracting someone who you are interested in. Many dating advice guides go as far as to say that a woman can determine within 30 seconds of meeting a guy for the first time whether she is going to want to sleep with him. The question is whether we trust our first impressions way too much and whether doing so can make us both, miss out on potentially great romantic opportunities by assuming negative things too early, or – do the opposite – become all too hopeful about someone prematurely to only set ourselves for disappointment.
Many, if not most, guys believe in first impressions as well. They think that if there is no instant chemistry/attraction when they meet a woman, then they simlply do not belong together. This is just not true. In fact, I have seen and also experienced a number of incredibly fulfilling relationships that didn’t start as love at first sigh” or even from a good first impression. Some of them started quite slowly – even with a not-so-great first impressions or first date, where I would think that a woman I went out with didn’t even like m,e or I wasn’t into her all that much. I met at least two women in my lifetime with whom I had pretty bad first dates, and both of whom struck me as very interesting, attractive and desirable later. In fact, I think that most of the women I ended up developing feelings for, dating or being in a long-term relationships, weren’t as intriguing to me right away. My feelings for them took time to develop. I am not sure why that was the case. Maybe I wasn’t myself when I initially met them. Or perhaps they had their guards up, appear shy, or they otherwise didn’t act like they normally would at first, as they were concerned about sending the wrong message, such as being too easy or desperate. I am not sure. What I am sure of, however, is that if it happened to me several times and if it happened to a few of my male friends that they developed feelings for their girlfriends or wives slowly and gradually, it means that it happens to other people as well, and it means that we should take our first impressions with a grain of salt when it comes to meeting new people and dating.
Having a tendency to analogize things, I can’t help but conclude that it’s hardly surprising that strong feelings don’t always flourish in an instant. They take time to evolve into a real emotion. After all, many other great things will not necessarily strike you as great right away. Some of the best movies start rather slow, and it takes time to get into them. The first few pages or even chapters of some of the most influential pieces of literature out there are not all the exciting to read at first, and it sometimes takes reading quite a few pages or even reading the same book twice before you can really appreciate its value and message. Why should real love and real, strong, meaningful connection be any different, and why shouldn’t it develop gradually as the two people to know each other better and better?
Ironically, the same even applies to sex with a new partner. You, my reader, have probably noticed from your own experience that more often than not, having sex with someone the second, third or fourth time is much better than the very first sexual encounter with that person. And if you are a guy who cannot get fully hard when having sex with a new partner for the first time, I assure you that your experience is not uncommon.
So, what does this mean to you? – This might just suggest that you shouldn’t place as much importance on your first impressions when you meet someone new, as you might have been in the past. Perhaps you shouldn’t judge whether you might love someone and have a great romantic connection with him/her by the very first few moments after you met. Just because we are not “feeling it” right away, and just because you haven’t been smitten by that other person you just met, doesn’t mean that you won’t be crazy about each other in a week or a month later. Don’t let your first impression dismiss the people you meet prematurely, or, conversely, be smitten too quickly. Let time and actions speak for themselves instead of relying too much on first impressions. There is simply no way around it.
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